why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
