I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
