I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
