Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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