Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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