Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
