Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
