The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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