Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
