Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
