It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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