but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
