4 words: hood of his car
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Randomize
