I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
