Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
