I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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