my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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