first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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