so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
