3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
