I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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