My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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