dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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