when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
