Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
