I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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