i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
