I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
