why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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