I cockslap morals
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
