I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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