I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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