my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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