nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
