cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
