I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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