I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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