If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
