I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My ATM looks so different sober.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
