So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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