Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
