she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You need Xanax blowdarts
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
