Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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