youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
