haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
