This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
