remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
