Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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