Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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