it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
