i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
