That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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