High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I will pee on everything he values.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
